Where Have I Been

As I sit here staring out of the windowpane in my hotel room in Istanbul, I can’t help but notice how sullen and overcast the sky looks outside. I know that most of you all have probably been wondering where the hell I’ve been. It’s been a while; I know, guys. So much has happened since the last time I have written anything on this platform. 2020 has been one of the strangest years that I have experienced in my life thus far. When the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve, I remember feeling hopeful for the intentions that I had set for myself for the year 2020. Never would I have imagined the type of year that was in store for us all. I have attempted to write this several times, and each of those times, I get too emotional to publish. So bear with me, please. I am not sure that I have come to terms with what this year has thrown at me.

I was set to do some traveling in SE Asia in late January and return to the states in early March. There had been news of a nasty virus brewing over in China. I wasn’t worried about it one bit. On the other hand, my family and friends were ringing me non-stop, asking if I was still going to SE Asia. My father, in particular, was worried about my health. He didn’t want me getting sick, rightfully so. We’d have chats with my Uncle Frank, who just so happens to be a doctor for the CDC, to get his opinion on everything. Uncle Frank ensured that I would be fine, but to take precautions. He said to wear a mask and use hand sanitizer, and to wash my hands religiously. Even though my uncle assured my dad that I would be okay, he was still very hesitant about me taking the trek all the way to the belly of the beast, or shall we say, near the beast. I want to tell you guys that I had no expectations at all for SE Asia. I couldn’t have dreamed up what these countries would be like. I was going in blind. My route would be to fly into Bangkok, cross over into Cambodia, and then make my way into Vietnam. After Vietnam, I would fly to Malaysia to visit a good friend who just had a baby and end my trip back in Phuket, Thailand. I want to say right here, right now, that my trip to SE Asia changed my life. I had never been away trekking and exploring any part of the world for the length of time that I spent in SE Asia. This trip allowed me the space to think and feel and experience things that were missing in my life back home. I felt so much better in my mind, body, and soul than I have in a very long time…actually since ever! I can’t honestly tell you a time when I felt that good. My overall sense of well being was elevated to a higher level. Anyone who truly knows me knows that my dream is to leave the United States. I won’t get into all of that here, but if you know, you know!

As time was winding down in SE Asia, I remember feeling a sense of dread in the upcoming days of my return home. I remember sitting outside on my patio in Phuket feeling melancholy while the breeze blew gently and the birds sang sweetly to me. I was having an inner dialogue with myself about extending my stay. Ultimately, it came down to me needing to be back in the US on time to attend Women’s Travel Fest in NYC. I got back on March 1. Women’s Travel Fest was on March 5…I think, not sure about the exact date, but you get my drift. I didn’t even have time to properly snuggle and inhale my dog before catching my next flight. I was still very jet-lagged, and it was freezing in New York. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I was returning home to the chaos of what was then the early stage of the COVID- 19 Pandemic. I remember getting a call in New York from Karina and her telling me that the governor was hinting at shutting things down and that toilet paper was nowhere to be found. I was like, what, where is it? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Why are people freaking out here? No one was freaking out back in the Asian countries that I had literally just come from less than a week ago. I got back from New York, and the state of Virginia immediately went on a strict lock down. I made it back by the skin of my teeth. Maybe I was delirious, or perhaps I wasn’t paying attention, but within the next week, after I returned from New York, that state was the epicenter of the Pandemic in the US. Everything just felt so strange to me. I couldn’t even process my tip that I had just taken. Everything was moving so fast. One day I’m out trekking the world, and then the next, I am locked down and can’t move. At first, I thought, surely, we can get a handle on this quickly and return to our normal lives. Sadly, it is now the end of October and we are worse off than when we first started. When this all began in March, I was very hopeful. I was very much at peace and hopeful for what the future would bring. But as those weeks turned into months, and months, and months, that peace and hope has slowly turned into a gnawing feeling of uncertainty that keeps me up at night. There is no pretty way of saying this, but shit has literally hit the fan here in America, and I don’t know how to process it. I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t know anything. I am literally taking all of this one day at a time. You add social unrest, political tension from the upcoming elections, and a pandemic all together, and that makes a recipe for a disaster of a nation.

IIn the earlier months, when the weather wasn't so oppressively hot, Karina and I would spend our days doing work from home, taking multiple walks, cooking up delicious meals, baking, catching up on our shows, reading all kinds of books, and playing with Rudi. We were still hopeful that things would blow over. But as we rolled into the summer, I started to feel aggravated by the state of things. We still have more or less of the same routine, but we walked less and argued more. It was too hot during the summer months to go out. I was aggravated by everything. Even the thought of waking up early enough before the sun to catch a cool breeze by the ocean pissed me off. I used to love being by the sea, and now, nothing soothes me. I feel trapped. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. I was, and still am, in and out of the throes of depression. I no longer have the patience for the most minor of inconveniences. What has happened to me? I don't want to come out of this pandemic and completely lose myself. I find myself nostalgic for days when all was '"right in the world." Sitting up at night restless for the sound of the early morning birds singing to me sweetly in Thailand. I look through old photos trying to go back in time to a place that makes me feel good. I know that we never lived in a utopian society before this, but damnit, it wasn't this madness that we're living in right now. Hearing people say, "We're all in this together," is so vapid and useless…..I can't bear to listen to it!

I don’t like to complain because I know that things can always be worse and can still get worse. I am so blessed. I live very well. I have a home to live in, food to eat, and I am healthy. God is so good. I will always boast of how good God is to me. I may be having a hard time dealing with this, but I know that I have to trust Him and that He has the perfect plan for my life and for all of the other crazy things that are happening right now in the world. But I need the space to be sad and to be grateful all at the same damn time, because that’s just how I am feeling these days. Sadness and gratefulness are not mutually exclusive, in case you were wondering.

The one good thing that came out of this quarantine is that I was able to get certified to teach English as a Second/Foreign Language. As of now, I teach several students from all over the world via Zoom and Skype. My students are lovely. I treasure my time with them because even though they are learning English from me, I am able to learn from them as well through different cultural exchanges. My heart is always happy and full when I’m with my students. So there’s the silver lining in all of this. The world had to come to a complete stop for me to sit still long enough to take the time to complete my training to get certified for something that I love doing. Something that will open a lot of doors for me once the world opens back up. I also had the extreme privilege of helping my best friend bring her baby girl into the world on July 31, 2020. Baby Nora Adrian Ann was born during COVID times, but her birth was beautiful and amazing. Because of the pandemic, Crystal was only allowed to have one other person in the room with her during her delivery, and she chooses me. My heart is beaming with love and happiness and gratitude as if this baby girl is my own. She is the light of our lives right now during these really crazy times.

Sadly, guys, we are now in October, and the end is nowhere near in sight. America is now the laughing stock of the world and things just get more ridiculous by the day. I decided to get out of the country for a while and go to Turkey. Turkey has always been on my list of places to explore. Currently, they are one of the very few countries letting Americans in with out restrictions. I plan on writing about my time in Turkey and traveling during a pandemic soon. But I wanted to catch you guys up on where I’ve been first. If you’re reading this, I hope this finds you in good health and in good spirits. Please take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Sending out love and light. Until next time. CIAO

Hello January of 2019

Well, hello out there to all my lovely readers from all over the world. Is it still appropriate to say Happy New Year? After all, we are at the tail end of January and I feel just a tad bit guilty that I haven’t checked in sooner. The New Year can be a little tricky for me some time. Between coming down off the Christmas holiday “high” and it being the dead of winter, I feel like a bear that just wants to hibernate and awaken when the spring flowers start to bloom. But that isn’t how any of this works. Life is summoning me to be present right now in the dead of winter and motivate. I have never been really big on new year resolutions; too strict and rigid for my liking, but I don’t think that they’re a bad thing to have if that’s what works to motivate you to reach your goals. I’m the type of girl who usually has a few things that I want to focus on during a set period of time and then I break the main goals down into smaller steps to work on daily, weekly, and monthly to achieve them. That way, I am actually more intentional and focused and not overwhelmed by the huge task at hand. The objective for me this year is to be more intentional in my day to day. There are a few things that I will be working toward over the year and my pace in general will be more slowed down, but the slower pace will help me to have that laser beam focus that is required to build Rome (wink). As a disclaimer, I do use a planner to help me keep what’s important in focus. If I don’t have my planner I usually forget many important things and life is chaos.

Rudi and I trying to hibernate for the remainder of the winter.

So far, January has been pretty good to me. I kicked the New Year off by celebrating Karina’s birthday on January 11. Karina took the day off from work and we indulged in delicious food and drink of her choice followed by a mini unicorn cake that I managed to pick up from the bakery on a whim. She enjoyed her day thoroughly.

Delicious shrimp tacos for me and a Mediterranean style pizza for the birthday girl.

Micro mini unicorn cake. Isn’t it the cutest.

By happenstance, there are a lot of people who are dear to me that celebrate birthday’s in January. Three of my best friends; Crystal, Karina, and Jenny, my late Nanna Clara, and my father Timothy.

Crystal and I in our younger days.

Jan 5

Karina, the birthday girl and I on the beach.

Birthday Jan 11

My grandpa, me, and my dad.

My dad’s birthday Jan 14

My late Nanna Clara and I

Jan 17

Jenny and I at our favorite place

Birthday Jan 31

With so many exciting plans on this years horizon, I decided to make a conscious effort to move my body as much as possible throughout the day. For me, that looks like layering up and going on very long walks just about every day. I love walking because it helps me to get ready for any upcoming travels and keeps me semi-sane. I do have some very exciting travels coming up in March. I will be in South Africa for about two weeks exploring the best of what that part of the world has to offer. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This trip came up so unexpectedly. South Africa was not on my radar for this year, it was actually being planned for the following year. But with travel, you go where the flight deal is, and that’s exactly how this venture came about. If you are a wandering soul like myself, I highly recommend following pages such as secret flying, airfare watchdog, and Skyscanner. That is 100% of the time where I get my flights from.

As of lately, when I am not catching up on household chores or reading or planning travel, I am at home preparing for the upcoming move from Fort Knox back to Virginia Beach. I am pretty stoked to be moving back. If you know me then you also know that the sea is home for me. Any place by the sea and my soul is most content.

Standing by the seashore

Moving back to the Tidewater area has me excited for many reasons. I’ll be closer to family, friends, and my church. I have missed that trinity way too much while being gone. But with any move there is stress, and we have had our fill of stressors as of late. I am actually flying out tomorrow to go and secure our home back in Virginia Beach. Lots of moving parts coming up here and I just want all of it to be done and over with. Someone cue my fairy godmother ASAP.

A few of my new reads for the year that Santa left under the tree for me. I am currently reading A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles (not pictured). I can’t wait to start reading Circe!

Well, my beautiful readers, I will be sure to keep you guys updated on things. I need to learn how to do a much better job at keeping my social media platforms updated as well as the blog. You know, it’s so funny that I even like blogging because I am a private person for the most part and I think that is why I have such a hard time posting to social media. There needs to be a healthy balance, but I do know that I need to get way better at this. All with time my friends, all with time. Until we meet again. It has been a joy updating you guys. I hope that you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed sharing. Sending out light and love into the universe.

End of Year Wrap Up 2018

It is in the very wee hours of the morning that I am writing to all of my lovely readers. I have been away for a quite a while focusing on self-care. I decided earlier on in the year that massive self-care was a top priority for my well being all throughout 2018. I wasn’t sure what that looked like when I decided on it, but I was sure to give my mind, body, and soul everything it needed and as much as it needed, in order to get well and heal this year. I will just say that it has been a journey thus far. This year started off with me in the hospital recovering from a surgery that led me to be borderline septic. (You will be able to read all about that very soon. I just need to gather the courage to post it). That was not a fun feat at all. It was a long process of trying to heal and recovery both physically and mentally from what seemed like a never-ending nightmare. I was completely ignorant of how much that surgery would change my life. Never the less, life keep moving folks. You can be going through so much and not even realize that while you are going through whatever it is that you’re going through, days are going by and life outside of your “stuff” is still happening.

So here we are, December of 2018. Honestly, I feel like I have been zapped by a supersonic time machine. While so much has happened this year, I absolutely do not know where the time has gone. I believe the last update you heard from me on this platform was in August when I went with Karina to Puerto Rico to visit her family. Yeahhhhh, I’m sorry to leave you guys hanging like that. I am still a novice to the art of blogging. I am a person that needs to unplug completely at times and that can cause long hiatuses. Not good! I need to work on that. Please try and understand that I am human, and depending on what is going on in my life, I will either want to share and write, or I will just be quiet. Quiet is therapeutic for me. I process when I am quiet.

So what have I been up to you may ask. These days you will find me at home sipping on hot tea in the mornings having long chats with God, smothering and inhaling my dog Rudi, cooking and eating all the yummy food, going to therapy, and really practicing the art on being in the present and enjoying the right now. The mundane, the day to day. I am usually so busy planning for the days, weeks, and months ahead that I miss a lot of the beauty in the right here and now. I have been cultivating the art of being intentionally present. There’s something so loud about being present, it forces you to have an honest eye. It causes you to take stock of your life and do a solid inventory of your blessings. You see, in my head and heart at the beginning of the year, and even halfway through the year, I was wishing the time away. I didn’t want to be present in my body or my brain. I was dealing with a lot of changes both mentally and physically. Looking back on it now, I realize that God was growing and stretching me. Teaching me to trust Him and to Rest in Him, but most of all to surrender. I have been a relentless control freak my entire life. And even now, when I try to surrender, it can still be hard. But the thing about all of that is that God will meet you right where you’re at. His grace is good like that y’all. He knows exactly what we need when we need it.

I may have had my moments of doom and gloom this year but I must say, the year has not been bad despite it all. After Puerto Rico in August, I went to Virginia in September. Technically, I was in Virginia to honor a fallen comrade that got killed when I was in Iraq in 2004. But, I was still able to spend time with some of my favorite people. A trip to Virginia is always so good for me. You can even say that this trip to Virginia was a form of self-care. I got to connect and spend quality time with people who I love dearly, go to the beach (the beach is so therapeutic for me), and eat amazing food. Oh, and did I mention that I got a much-needed haircut. All of those things are of importance to me. It was short but sweet. It won’t be too long before I am back in Virginia for good.

SGT. Carlos Camacho Rivera. I will never forget.

Shawarma from Baladi’s Mediterranean Cafe in Virginia Beach. It is the best Mediterranean food I have ever eaten outside of the Middle East. I stop in every time I’m in town and frequent it a lot when I am living there.

VB Oceanfront

Virginia Beach

It may not look like it, but this is me with a hair cut. My hair was all the way down to my behind before they cut it. Oh what a relief.

In October I went to visit my dad and grandparents to celebrate my grandfathers 83rd birthday. It was such a nice surprise for both my dad and my grandfather since they don’t get to see me often. We celebrated him by having a delicious meal at the house with family, cake, and ice cream. It was nice seeing everyone. The rest of my stay me and my dad went out int to the city and explored around, got a bite to eat, checked out a cool cupcake spot and just caught a vibe. Again, the time always flies when you’re having fun with the ones you love.

My grandpa

83 years young

National Monument In Washington DC

Me and my pops in the city just exploring our hometown. We have been here numerous times. It never gets old!

The beautiful National Cathedral in Washington DC

We transition into fall rather quickly and before you know it, the leaves have all turned colors on the trees around Ft.Knox and they are absolutely breathtaking. One thing that I will miss when I leave Ft.Knox is the changing of the seasons. It is stunning here in the Fall and Spring.

Post Headquarters on Ft.Knox

Look how rich the yellow color of the leaves are on this tree.

Pathway leading to our home. I haven’t seen the leaves so beautiful since I was a little girl.

How handsome is Mr. Rudi

November we went to Texas to spend time with Karina’s family for Thanksgiving and celebrated her niece’s first birthday. Texas was amazing! It was a fresh breath of air for me. It has been freezing here in Kentucky. The temps out in Texas were in the 70’s the entire time of our stay. A girl could get used to that kind of mild weather. After returning home Karina and I had a serious conversation about finding a winter home for us somewhere warm. The older I get the less I can handle these drastic changes in temps. My sinuses especially!

This is where grateful hearts gather.

Food table from Thanksgiving. We had so much food guy’s. All of it isn’t pictured.

Dessert table from Thanksgiving

Family photo with the birthday girl. We’re missing Rosalie

Clean up after the cake

If only you guys knew what it took to get that smile. There was a corral of people in front of her singing the Baby Shark song repeatedly. A favorite of hers.

Nephew’s and niece walking Rudi on Thanksgiving day

And just like that, we return home from beautiful Texas and a day or two later we get a horrible ice storm.

No thank you Jack Frost.

Look how heavy the tree limbs are form the ice.

I cannot conform or deny that Rudi loves his coat, hat, and scarf. It was freezing out so he had to wrap up. Little dogs get cold fast.

And here we are guys. December is here and we have not even 30 days left in the year. As for me and my little family, we will pass Christmas here quietly and bring in the New Year the same. I am so ready and curious to see what 2019 will bring. I pray that it will be filled with kindness and grace. I believe that God has the most amazing plan for my life and for your life as well. We are all on a journey my friends. Life is truly a marathon. Stay the course. Follow your dreams. Be brave and courageous and do EVERYTHING. None of us know when our time will be up. Live your life and live it well. I would like to wish all of my reader’s much love and blessing for the rest of this year and even more overflowing into the next year. From my heart to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

A Proper Introduction to Rudi Fennikiss

Hi guys, welcome back. Today's entry is something light and fun, and maybe a little ridiculous all together. Today I will be giving you a proper introduction to my handsome little pup named Rudi Fennikiss. Which, by the way, he is literally sitting on my lap right now as I struggle to write this. If you can tell by that last sentence, then you already know that Rudi is a mamma's boy. He has to be by my side every waking second of his life. What can I say, the boy loves his mamma (insert shoulder shrug). Okay, okay, I confess. I totally, one hundred percent take the blame for his perpetual need to be close by me. It's totally my fault, but we'll get into all of that here shortly. But first, let me take you back to the very beginning.

In 2015, I was struggling with a variety of things happening in my life, and to be quite frank, I couldn't even begin to tell you what those things were. All I really know is that what ever was ailing my soul back then seems so far and long forgotten. I was in therapy during that time and my therapist kept bringing up the idea of me maybe getting a support animal. She thought it would be beneficial for me based on all of the supporting research that's out there suggesting that animals can be therapeutic for people who have experienced trauma. So, I gave it some thought and decided that maybe the therapist is right, maybe I should look into this. Well, the very next night I asked my good friend Kristina, her mom Lisa, and her sister Leyna to let me know if they happen to know of any puppies that needed a good home.

The very next morning I get a text from my friends mom telling me about a lady that has minpin/dotson puppies for sale. She said that its a first come first serve type of situation. So whoever got there to look at the puppies first has a  better chance of securing one.  She gives me the information and I contact the lady and schedule a visit to check out the puppies that same day. I drive all the way from Virginia Beach to Lanexa, which is about an hour and a half drive with out the horrible 757 traffic. I arrive at the lady's house and she is waiting for me with all the sweet puppies outside on her screened in front porch.

The lady welcomes me and shows me the mom and dad of the little puppies. The mother is the miniature pinscher and the dad is the dachshund. I go over and have a look and all of them are laying there so cuddled upon one another. There were a few making little noises and yapping a bit. But one of them caught my eye. A little puppy boy all way cuddled up on the bottom of his bothers and sisters and he just looked at me and I knew he was the one for me. I asked the lady to pick him up and give him to me. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I held my breath because my heart was about to explode from cuteness. So super tiny y'all. Not even a full pound I don't think. It was at that moment that I surrendered my heart to that pup and didn't even know it. He owned me and I wasn't even going home with him yet. 

Me picking out Rudi, but he actually chose me. He looked up at me and knew I was the one.

The lady asks me if I am sure that he is the one. I say yes. She then marks him with a blue marker on his paw. I thought it was really strange that she did that. She said that way she will be able to identify which of the dogs belong to who. I asked her if the other dogs had been spoken for and she said all had been claimed except for two others. Had I known then how much of a complete joy Rudi would be, I would have gotten one of his brothers or sisters as well. When it was time leave I drove off thinking that I couldn't believe that I was going to be puppy mom. I had no idea what I was in for, but I was ready. 

Now, I was originally supposed to pick pup up several weeks later after he had been weened from his mother, but the lady called me a lot sooner and told me that if I wanted my puppy I could come and pick him up now and that he was the only one left. I told her I would be right over. In hindsight, I should have known that it was way too early for him to be weened form his mom, but I was eager to get my boy home as I had already had everything ready for his arrival.

I ring Karina at work and tell her that pup is ready and we have to go get him. She speeds home from work and we make the journey back to Lanexa to pick up pup. When we arrive, the lady has Rudi ready to go. She says that he is eating puppy food and drinking on his own and he's good to go. She hands me the pup and I get in the car and Rudi instantly starts whining. He cries the entire car ride home. Did I tell y'all that we live an hour and a half away from the lady's house. Karina tried every attempt to calm his little puppy soul but nothing worked. Rudi didn't stop crying until we hit the corner to turn on to our street and by that time he was dead asleep. Wow. The entire car ride home I was thinking, what have I gotten myself into. Oh, but it gets worse before it gets better. 

Rudi's first car ride home. All tuckered out form all of the crying he did on the way down. 

We bring him in the house and the first thing we do is put him straight in the bath and give him a proper scrubbing. Surprisingly, he did not mind the water. After his bath we show him where his food and water bowl are. Rudi doesn't seem to care about drinking or eating at this point, he just wobbles around sniffing out his new unfamiliar territory. From the start, Rudi is quite playful. He takes turns pouncing on me and Karina until he gets tired and then he naps. Puppies nap a lot y'all. We'd be playing with him for all of five minutes and he would sit down next to one of us and before you can blink twice he's sleep. 

The first week of him being home with us was quite challenging. I remember calling my friends mom several times a day for quite a while because I wasn't sure if I was doing things right with him.  By the third day Rudi had still not eaten or drank anything. He didn't know how to eat or drink. We took him to the vet so that he could get his first check up and see about shots, but they had news for us. They told us that Rudi had been weened way to early and that the reason he wasn't eating or drinking was because he didn't know how. They told us he was only about 4-5 weeks old and that there was no way he was 6-7 weeks like the lady suggested. The vet ended up giving him several round of fluids though an IV that left a huge hump on his back until his body absorbed it. We were told that we would have to bottle feed him until he was a little older. 

We worked with pup day in and day out. Bottle feeding, crate training, and getting him house broken. I'll never forget those days. Rudi would cry so much during the first two months. He missed his mom a lot. Dogs should never be weened before the right time. Me and Karina would take turns all night laying him on our skin, swaddling him, rocking him, and soothing him to sleep,  all on top of waking him up every hour on the hour to sit him on the grass outside so he could get used to going potty outside. It was brutal. Something like having a newborn in the house. We were sleep deprived zombies that were in way over our heads. Surprisingly though, Rudi became house broken pretty fast. He didn't have many accidents and for that, I am grateful. He also crate trained beautifully along the way after the first two months. Rudi actually prefers to retreat to his kennel now when he doesn't want to be bothered with us humans. 

Rudi was coming along quite nicely for the most part, however, there was this one thing. Rudi didn't want to eat puppy food. He wanted his bottle. We tried everything to get him transitioned to regular food. We tried it all. All the tricks were used but Rudi wasn't budging. It wasn't until I knocked on my neighbor's door out of pure desperation and asked if she knew how to make puppies eat (she had one of her own). She said sure, let me grab my coat and I'll come right over.  The neighbor came over and took his food, which was soft canned food at the time, and shoved a little of it right in his mouth from his bowl. From that magical moment on, Rudi has been faithfully eating his food out of his bowl with no problems. Who would have ever thought to just shove the food in his mouth. We had a good laugh about it after the fact. That night, my neighbor looked at me and said, "you know this dog owns you don't you". My neighbors words are the truest words that have ever been spoken. Rudi completely owns me!

*Please standby for a flood of early puppy pictures.*

Karina holding Rudi during his early puppy days. At this time he would only feed out of a bottle.

Look at those puppy eyes.

The sweetest little face.

Rudi's love for soft and snuggly things started right here in this picture.

Look how tiny he was. He was the same size as Santa.

He could only sleep on my chest or skin. 

A very young Rudi snuggled up on his mom. Thats was, and still is his favorite place to be.

Rudi and Karina resting after playing around on the floor.

We are knee deep in spoiled rotten territory.

Look how big he's grown and it hasn't even been a two months.

Rudi's first year with us was full of excitement. We grew into a rhythm with Rudi. He was one of us now. Rudi was slowly become a mama's boy. Wherever I was, Rudi was sure to follow. It didn't matter if I was going to the bathroom, to the kitchen, or just across the same room. I feel in love with little pup. I couldn't believe that I was his mama. I still can't believe it. He is the purest form of unconditional love. I will never have any children of my own, but Rudi is my fur baby. You can't convince me otherwise. It's amazing to see the bond that has grown between Rudi and I. When I go get him from his kennel in the morning I literally inhale him. His tail wags so hard that one might think it will fall off at any moment.  He jumps in my arms and puts his head in the crook of my neck giving my cheek tons of kisses. I love my boy. 

Puppy days were quite fun. He was full of spunk and energy. He loved going on walks at the beach and around the neighborhood. People started to recognize Rudi throughout the neighborhood when we walked. People were quite smitten with pup. All the neighborhood locals would come up to us and exclaim how beautiful and shiny his coat was and how cute he is. We sometimes could barely get a good walk in because people would stop us and want to chit-chat about Rudi. It's like the entire universe revolved around this one little puppy boy.

Yep, you're seeing that right. Rudi bitting my bun. He was quite rambunctious as younger pup.

Rudi hanging out with his pal Karina.

Rudi taking his daily walk on the beach as a young pup. Can I have him this small again, please?

As time moved right along, we decided to get Rudi neutered when he was six months old. Rudi was a full ball of energy 24-7 and despite all the playing and walking several times a day, he was a wild child unless he had a thunder vest or shirt on him.  I will never forget the day that I took Rudi to get neutered. I woke up that morning from what seemed like a restless sleep. I got Rudi ready, packed him in the car, and headed out to the PETA headquarters in Norfolk. I get there and fill out tons of paper work and sign a consent form that gives PETA permission to do the surgery. I go and wait in one more line and before I could even stand in the line good a woman yells out, "Rudi Fennikiss". I walk up to the door and my heart was pounding so hard that I think  people around me can hear it or see it about to  literally pop out of my chest. I handed the lady my six month old pup who had never spent a day with out his mom since we brought him home. I was a nervous wreck leaving my pup there all day alone with those people. You'd think that I'd be somewhat at ease because PETA was performing the service, but it did nothing to ease buy anxious ridden  heart. I wait all day staring at my cell phone going crazy waiting or them to call me to come get him. I finally get the call around 4 p.m. to come pick him up. They said he did well and that he might be a little groggy. I asked them if he would be in any pain and they said no. Well, we get home and the grogginess has kind of worn off and my pup is in pain. He starts whinning and whimpering from the pain. I lost it. I started crying because I dint know how to help him. Karina calls the 1-800 number on his aftercare instructions and talks to a vet nurse. The vet nurse assures us that what he's experiencing is normal. Pup eventually settles down and sleeps the rest of the day and into the night. The next morning he is good as new. Talk about being a freaked out new puppy mom. I hated seeing him in pain. In the end, we are happy that we made the choice to neuter him. Rudi calmed down tons and he stopped marking his spot in our house, on our furniture. 

Still sleeping on his mom.

A perfect specimen of a dog. Doing what he does best, basking in the sun.

Super Rudi.

Still a baby, but growing fast.

Rudi with his thunder vest on trying to figure out why he cant go upstairs. 

Cuddles on top of cuddles.

Since then, Rudi's personality has grown and he has matured into an even sweeter little puppy dog. We have celebrated two birthdays with him, two Christmases, and two New Years and have done plenty of traveling with him. I can't believe how fast time is flying. I don't even remember life before Rudi came along. This little dog has brought such and abundance of joy in my life. I look at him sometime when he's sleeping on me and just think, wow, I can't believe I am his mom. I am so lucky to have Rudi Fenn in my life. I never knew my heart was capable of loving something so much. This has to be what parents feel like with their human children. The mere thought of something happening to Rudi sends me straight to tears. I am always worried about him and always thinking of him. He is connected to my soul on a spiritual level. I swear, this little dog has so much of me in him. His attitude, his little quirks, it's all me. Karina will often say, I don't know who is worse, you, or Rudi? She always talks about how Rudi and I are made for each other. You'd have to spend a day in my house to now what I am talking about. Weird to even think that a dog can take on their owners traits. Me and Rudi are one.  

Rudi spending time at the beach in Puerto Rico.

Rudi exploring bridges in far away lands with his momma.

The mountains in Viallba.

More beach time. It is one of our favorite pastimes. 

Rudi's birthday is on Halloween. He sports a Batman cape and harness.

Happy 1st birthday Rudi Fennikiss. 

A yummy mixture of yogurt and peanut butter topped of with one candle.

Rudi has the most posh life for a dog. He gets to enjoy the ride on the beach while mom pedals.

Rudi peering out from his car seat.

Merry Christmas from Rudi

Happy New Year. Rudi was ready to watch the ball drop with his party hat on.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, now that you have had proper introduction to my pup, you will be seeing him in many more of my post in the future. Rudi has a great life ahead of him alongside of me. I plan on giving him the best little puppy life full of adventures. If you are a person reading this and are thinking about getting a puppy, or any animal for that matter, do it. Animals are amazing companions and they offer so much love. We are not even worthy as humans. Your life will be enriched a thousand fold. I will leave you with just a few more photos of pup, because, why not? I truly hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you guys. Until next time, my peeps. Take care and God bless. 

Rudi's all time favorite spot in the entire house is right on the back of the coutch bird and squirrel watching. He will be up there for hours ya'll. Was he a cat in his past life?

Such a love bug.

Mid day napping like a boss!

Rudi will always be a chest sleeper. Spoiled to the max.

Can you tell by the look on his face what he's thinking? 

Birthday number two for Rudi and Happy Halloween.

Rudi thinks he's the boss. He just sits wherever he pleases.

What did I tell ya'll. He literally has to be by my side 24/7

Some things never change, a puppa's heart for his mom.

My Morning Routine

Well hello good people of the earth. Today I am going to share with you my morning routine. It's something that I do every day upon waking, only after brushing my teeth and getting dressed. I am not a routine type of gal but this is something that If I don't do and tend to, my day gets off track and I loose focus on whats important and I forget who's ultimately in control.

I have always been a girl that prays right when I notice that I am alive and conscious in the morning. Something about not dying in my sleep is really satisfying. I struggle with extreme anxiety at night and I haven't good sleep since coming home from the war in Iraq, so when I wake in the morning, regardless of how I feel, I am grateful for another day. It usually takes me at least 30 minutes to even realize that I am awake enough to get up and go to the bathroom. Even then, I usually have to have a sit back on the bed and I may even lie back down to gather myself before I officially rise for the day. And don't let me have to set an alarm for the next day. It gets down right shameful. I will hit that snooze button for at least 30 minutes before I officially cut it off. Hell, on a bad day I may even cut it off and go right back to sleep.

Now that we have established that waking up is quite the challenge for me, I'll share a little bit on my journey that lead me to my morning routine. 

Back in April of 2017 my family moved from Virginia Beach to Ft. Knox. The change and the transition was just horrible on me. I had been a resident of the Hampton Roads area (now called Coastal Virginia) for the past 16 years. Thats basically my entire adult life. I left home at 18 to join the Army and  to my luck, I ended up getting stationed at Fort Story in Virginia Beach. I fell in love with the area and decided to stay after my separation from the military. I would definitely consider myself a local by now. It was a good place. The sea was basically in my back yard. Life was good. My church was there. My friends were near by; we lived very well. It was home for me. I had finally grown roots in a small tucked away place on this earth. But oh how the seasons change in life.

The sea is where my heart and soul are most content. This is the beach that was a block behind my home. Life couldn't have been any sweeter.

I was always aware of how well I lived while living in Virginia Beach. I knew that not everyone could  say that the sea was basically their back yard. We were blessed. I never took any of it for granted. But sometimes when life seems to be flowing consistently for a good bit of time, that's when change comes. You know how the old saying goes; the only thing that's constant in life is change. 

I remember from the time that I received the news that we were moving to Fort Knox, I was okay with it because I knew that it would be temporary. I wasn't worried. I wasn't anxious. I was ready. Kind of like, lets get this over with so we can come on back home. We were only going to be gone for two years. Two years is doable, right? 

Oh the agony. The month before leaving I could feel myself slipping into a major disconnect. I was there in the physical form but my heart and mind were already thinking about how much I would miss the place and I hadn't even left yet. I was in mourning of my life that I was soon to leave behind. It all became too real, too fast. Never the less, the time was here and I had to say solong to my life as I knew it in Virginia Beach. 

A very candid shot of me on the night before eating dinner and watching TV via my shoe propping it up. Household goods came to pick up all of our stuff and transport it to Ft. Knox the following day. 

We traveled for two days to reach Ft. Knox. Looking back, the drive wasn't horrible because we split the 12 hours into two days giving us time to rest and get refreshed for the day. We reach the main road that leads to the base and my heart begins to sink. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. This is where I am going to be living for the next two years. Where's the water? Where's all of the stores? Why is this place so desolate? There is nothing here. We are literally in the middle of nowhere. My thoughts were racing and I was well on my way to a full fledge state of depression. I cried and cried and cried some more. I phoned my friends mom and told her that I wanted to come back home. She was very supportive and offered me a place to stay, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave Karina here by herself. She would have no one. And having no one in a place like this with nothing to do and being in the middle of nowhere is a lonely way to pass two years. Plus, we are family. Family doesn't leave when it gets hard. 

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ft. Knox.

So we're here. When I tell you that there's nothing to do around here I mean that. Now, I have been in the military and I usually can adjust and adapt fairly easily and quickly, but something was different about this time. I wasn't transitioning well at all. I was so home sick and I was super depressed. I had been uprooted from everything that was familiar. Most of all, my entire support system was back in Virginia. I knew that I had to get out of this rut if I wanted to survive these two years. 

It's funny how just when you're at your wits end God sends you a little something that will help you. I was sitting on the couch one day crying because I wanted to go back home and the day was just overall crummy. I began to scroll on Instagram and the first thing that pops up on my feed are these Write the Word books from an account that I follow called cultivatewhatmatters. I had been following the woman who runs the account on her personal page for a quite a while and when I learned that she had a business that sells different products to help you get unstuck, a lightbulb went off in my head. I decided to purchase the entire series of Write the Word. I figured that if I put my mind on something like God's word then that could help me get through this season in my life. 

They're finally here....YAY!

I couldn't wait to dive in. It was something different and new. I have always been a woman of faith, but it's a life long journey. I am still growing and learning everyday in my faith. I had just left my church. I couldn't find a new church home that I felt comfortable with around Ft. Knox so I needed to find a way to stay rooted and grounded in God's word, and what better way than to write it out and meditate on those very words on the page.

Getting started.

The place where you write out whats on heart. There's even a space for your particular word for the day. 

Guys, these books have been life changing for me. They really helped me to get through a tough season in my life. Included in the series of five books, there are different themes such as Faith, Hope, Joy, Gratitude, and Renewal. They all have different scriptures that focus on the theme of the given book. Writing in these books really prompted me and helped to do heart work. I was able to read God's word, write it down, and really meditate on what the scriptures were saying to me. The back of the page where you write whats on your heart was extremly helpful in getting me to write my prayers out, express what was on my heart, and give it all to God. 

I started off doing these Write the Word entries in the evenings, but I started thinking that maybe I should start incorporating this into my morning routine. It would really help to set the tone of the day and it could help put my heart at ease. So my morning routine consited of prayer, my devotion that I read called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, my Write the Word, and most times when I have a little extra time I read my Bible plan called Bible in One Year. It may seem like a lot, but the devotion is very short. The Write the Word takes the most time because it's a very intentioal act of reading and writing Gods word, plus you do heart work at the end. And I don't know about you guys, but when I can sit in a quiet place and start pouring out my heart to God, it refreshes my spirit. 

A little side note* 

The cultivate what matters team added two new additions to their Write the Word series this year and I had to get them. They are the top two books under the sticker book in the stack. One is Prayer and the other is Forgiveness. I'll tell you all about the sticker book in part two of this. 

It has been a full year since I received my books and they have been a game changer for me in my prayer life and the way that I read and focus on God's word. These books really help me to sit down and intentionally quiet my heart before God to hear Him speak to me through his Holy Spirit. I have learned a lot during this season in my life. Sometimes the good Lord has to bring you away from all of the noise in your life and bring you to a still and quiet place so that you can hear his voice. He speaks to my heart loudly here in this quiet desolate place. He has stretched and grown me like never before. So even though I still miss home and still long to go back to my roots and everything that is familiar. I trust God, and I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. God is doing great things in my life right now. I am learning to surrender, and the art of surrendering all to God is no easy task, especially when you've been a control freak for most of your life. God wants to have his way in my life, and He has planted a seed of great peace in the midst of me being here.

My word of the year is SURRENDER.

I also added TRUST GOD and FAITH. Just a gentle reminder.

I hope you guys have enjoyed reading about my morning routine. If I ever skip a day I can feel it and tell the difference. I try and do this every day to keep me focused on what really matters. 

There is a part two to this entry/story that will be talking about Powersheets that I also purchased from the same company and how they have helped me to birth this blog. There was a build up to me actually finally getting the guts to do this. To actually share myself and thoughts with the world. It's no easy task. Stay tuned and follow up to hear how the blog actually got started. Until next time, peace and blessings to you all.